Got my mind made up.

Freaking crazy night.
Jess and I went out to Mellon Arena to watch the Penguins game on the jumbotron (because that's how we poor folks roll). I had the time of my life. It was beautiful outside--it stayed about 75 the entire night... We won of course, the second game in a 7 game series for the Stanley Cup playoffs. Afterward, we waited for the players to come out for autographs. I got a photo with Eric Godard and Hal Gill's autograph on my sweatshirt. They were really nice guys. Marc-Andre Benjamin only stopped for a minute and his whore girlfriend was in the truck with him, so I didn't get his autograph on my boob or sex like I had planned. We met eyes, however...I will meet him again.
About halfway home, there was a Tahoe that had clearly went over the guard rail on the left side of the road. Debri and glass fucking everywhere. We stopped and I got out to see if he was alright. Honestly, I was too terrified to look into his truck to see if he was alright... there were airbags popping up everywhere. The woman in the car ahead of me made sure he was okay...he came from the game, too. He was ridiculously wasted and his truck was totaled, but all that was visibly wrong with him was a scratch on the bottom of his chin. I was so glad he was even alive. The cops came and shooed us away... I assume he'll be alright.
THEN, after stopping at sheetz to get a frozen coffee, I got pulled over for doing 60 in a 45. Boo. But the officer's name was Chris and he was super nice and let me off with a verbal warning. Perhaps it was how I went about being pulled over. Would you like to hear how it went? Okay, good. So his lights start flashing and I start freaking out in my body going OMGOMGOMGOGMOGM...then I was like, okay switch lanes and get off the road. Then I was like, 4 ways sound like a good idea, so I put them on. THEN, I prepared myself by taking out my license and registration. When he told me he was pulling me over for being so speedy I said, "Boo, yeah I know." He was so kind.
MMmmm I'm tired. Night, world.

U don't know me like U used to.

What do you do when you like someone but the only way to get their attention is by making a total whore of yourself (even though being a whore is totally unlike you) and they're unexperienced so they don't react much, and then afterwards they're completely like, unreadable?

Fuck my motherfucking life.
Help?

oh baby baby

"i heard that you were trouble but i couldn't resist"
so i fucked you through the phone lines
with my eyes closedand touched myself the way you said you'd touch me
seems i think i can get anywhere with seduction these days
but it's just not proving itself very truly.
3 years ago possibly today
i looked into your baby brown eyes and saw
mommy's little heartbreak pulling me by my blond hair
and if you ever wondered, i spent all this time growing it back
because my heart skipped a beat when you told me you'd like me to wear it that way.
if you want, love
you can forget the gold pushcar i shoved you down the hill in
the pool and your backflips and the pictures i took
the fights over your stupid friends(you know i'd never pick them over you anyway)
and how uncomfortable i was, sitting on your baby bed
waiting for you to tell me you loved me or to leave
because either i'm just flat out confused
or maybe you do like a girl that doesn't care back
one that'll push you around the way that you push me
because crazy like your fucking post pubescent mood swings
just isn't seeming to move you much, baby
nor does overthinking your pronunciation of the word "like"
when you're trying to get a rise out of me.
see, my baby left on a south bound train
but maybe it's not him i want back again
maybe i want whoever you are
maybe i don't even want to be your friend
if i could fuck you on the couch and suck off all your hurt
like an exorcism, i would
if i could keep you on the phone just to hear your voice
regardless of how angry it sounds, i would.
i dream of fast rides down the left lane with you
in a car carrying more sex appeal than a shitty old mustang
and i mean this with utmost sincerity.
yesterday i considered getting off on the thought of you crying
just to feel another human, to check to see if you're alive
my motives failed me again, but i don't have another week to wait alone
to see if you'll forgive me for the problems you created.
i lost myself in time it seems but you lost yourself in hell
let's meet in the middle and never look back again.
you'd like to think you're different, but really you're just the same.
i'm sorry for my absence (i'll make it up i promise), but can i yet have you back?

I don't know how I could be any more obvious.

You told me I can do anything I put my mind to. Not a generalized optimistic phrase...ME...I can do whatever I put my mind to. When I want something, I'll get it. You told me this. So whatever happens now because of you having told me that is your fault.

good morning, summer!

School's finally out! I'm not loving it much yet...I've still got to find a new job since I've quit my old one. :X I'm just no good with mean people, especially if they're the ones I'm working for.

Points I forgot to blog:
-I'm living on campus next year to see if it helps me study any harder! I'm a bad, bad student.
-My boyfriend's senior prom is in 2 weeks! I can't wait to go. I love being dressed up.
-I bought a pet albino rat yesterday. Her name is Stella. You might think rats are gross, but she's just a little baby and I promise she's not gross. She's the cutest thing I've ever seen and SO cooperative with being handled. :P


Isn't my dress amazing? And Stella adorable? I thought so, too. :)


xoxo

push push back up on it

It's probably a phase, but I'm fondling this new idea of happiness. I want to do what makes me happy. Everyone around me is miserable. People at school, people I pass on the street, my family, businessmen at Panera. Everyone hates themselves. And from whom am I taking advice on how I should be going about growing up and living my life?--These miserable people. So I'm going to start experimenting and taking my OWN advice...and doing what I think is going to make me happy. That's my update. Byez.


xoxo

3.27.09

I've been really stressed out lately. Talked with my boss...I'll only be working three days a week now. It's just hard for me to concentrate on everything and still be able to sleep and get my own shit done. Life's taking its mental toll on me. I don't think I was ever ready for college. Or the real world, for that matter.

Britney's tonight with Melissa. I can't believe it's already here. I've been looking forward to this since before Christmas. I wish Britney wasn't so intangible...I'd thank her for helping me to take my mind off of things. She's an amazing person. I hope she knows how inspiring she is.

Then I fall back to planet Earth tomorrow. Work 10-3 and then take my Villarin dress to see about getting it altered for prom. The last part should be exciting. Then I have the rest of my day to (hopefully) sleep.

If anyone's bothering to read, what are you doing this weekend?